The answer to when I begged

I didn’t know if you would remember when I begged for something.

I think that it is because I didn’t have the kind of desperation in my voice or eyes that you would relate to begging.  It wasn’t like when you would beg.  Even though it was different you need to know that I was desperate and powerless.

The time I begged was early on for us.  It was when I asked you to leave me.  I was begging you to run away and never see me again.  I cared more for what was best for you than for the pain I would feel.  I knew we would have fun and impact each other.  I’ll be honest that I never saw the depth of what we would become, but even at that time I knew that I could not be everything that I though you deserved.

It was begging because I did not have the ability to make you.  I didn’t have the will to leave.  I couldn’t bear to walk away.  I wouldn’t have been able to leave.  I didn’t want you to leave.

I’m happy that you didn’t.

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3 thoughts on “The answer to when I begged

  1. I remember that. I was so very insecure about you. Did you realize that when you would say I should leave it had a psychology on me? I believed whole-heartedly that you were saying you didnt want me and were just trying to be nice about it so I could trick myself into thinking it was my idea.

    Doubt still creeps in. We never seem to see our own value.

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