This is #95.  I feel like I am wasting a post.  There are so few left and I want to stretch out this gift.  It will hurt when I finish it; just one more ending between us.  The other option is to not finish it and let it wither on the vine which is unacceptable.

This is my post.  I hurt so much right now.  I feel like somebody hollowed me out with a spoon.  Scraping every important part from me leaving only a husk.

I am back in our town today.  Everything here reminds me of you.  I have memories everywhere of seeing you, coming to see you, thinking about you, or even knowing that you are close.  It is torture, like being close to but denied you.  It is like sea water to the man floating on a life raft.  There is the appearance of water but it is really death.

I am so lost that I can not force myself to think one good thought.  All that I feel is the void of you gone.

I miss you right now more than I can express.

I wish that I could go back to the life before the saddest day.  It was not perfect but you were there filling the hole inside me and bringing me joy.

Things are so dark for me.  I am just enduring and praying for the dawn.  Praying that I am not swallowed by my grief.


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