This has been one of the most difficult messages to write you. I may have just stopped trying to form it if you hadn’t specifically asked for me to write about hope. Hope for me, for you, for us and for people that hear our story.
I’ve struggled because it is hard for me to think about the future in some ways. I know that time will move on and things will change but when I REALLY think about it I only want to go back to the time when I had you. Whenever I think too deeply about you I always end up there, wishing that I could go back.
Let me start with my simplest hope for you. I hope that you have a fulfilling life. Whatever path you choose or are put on in your family and career should fill the empty spots for companionship, nurturing and achievement.
I hope that your feelings for me will stand the test of time. Years from now you will look at your time with me as a wonderful experience, not a curse. I want you to be happy for what we had and have but I am afraid that someday you will think that it was all selfishness on both our parts that only distracted and delayed you from finding joy.
I hope that you keep this blog somehow. When you are old or sad or whatever it is a source of joy and happiness, not regret for doing or wishing to go back. Yes, there is sex, collars, spankings and strap-ons (oh my), but I hope that you focus on the feelings and the tenderness and how when you held me you were my entire world.
I hope that you live and believe and plant deep in your being the most important message in all of icallyouluv, “What it all means.”
I hope that you are stronger and better off for your time with me. Only the future will tell us this. I wrote to you about being broken in your Christmas gift and I can see the cracks fusing together and healing taking place so I am optimistic about this.
Maybe this is the hardest for me, but I hope that you move past me and not only do you not need me you do not desire me. This would hurt but it would mean that whatever place I had in your life and whatever needs I filled are now satisfied. When you think about me it is just reminiscing.
I should hope this for myself but it would hurt too much to acknowledge it. If I am honest though it must be there somewhere, my being wishing to be complete and healed. The truth is that I can’t picture those needs filled by anything except for “us”.
The hope for “us” in the future is simple.
I hope that there is an “us”. I don’t know what it will look like, but that we will be friends and can talk. You can still be the safe outlet for me to share with. I would be incomplete without “us”.
The hope for people that stumble across our story is that they are inspired or encouraged that there is real, true emotion in the world. That there can be caring, tenderness, fun and companionship between a man and woman. That even though our particular situation is tragic it is an example that connection is possible and passion can burn like fire. If we can have what we have, they can have it and more.
Our story is so powerful and moving. I have went back and forth about talking to the “others” that hear our story. I’ve wondered what they thought of us and what impact we may have made.
As I get to the end of the blog I have not been able to think of them because my passion for you has blotted them out.
Beyond the hope I am grateful for you Luv. I am blessed that you are in my life and I have tears of joy when I think about you.